Happy Australia Day, mate. Oh gosh, I really can’t say “mate” - it’s just not me. Regardless, for the rest of the day I will be in the ocean with intermittent stops for toilet breaks and massive food intake.


I will spend today, Australia Day, riding my kangaroo down to the park and then proceeding to have a long drawn out barbecue, whilst listening to the Hottest 100 and sliding on a tarp covered in jelly.

It will be most arduous.


By having bacon and eggs for breakfast then going to the beach, frying a little and plunging myself in the fresh, clear ocean, I’ve more than lived up to the traditional Australia Day 110%.

Oh, and we’re having a pie for dinner.